The Flawed & The Fabulous

2012-02-07T20:21:00.000-05:00

I still remember that day we met in December...

2012-02-07T20:02:00.001-05:00

2011 Wrap Up

2011-12-30T23:36:00.000-05:00

I couldn't let the entire month of December go by without a new post, not to mention that it would be the last post of 2011! I've been neglecting the blog due to new developments in my life...mostly getting drunk, but also a new love interest. Well the first one worth mentioning anyway. It looks somewhat promising, but I won't get ahead of myself on that one. I'll get back to you in 3 months. My Christmas consisted of throwing back countless Grey Goose & Cranberrys with my sister, while also pretending to not be buzzed in front of other family members. Not sure if we were so successful. I'm not big on the holidays because they tend to be the most stressful time of the year, but I was pleasantly surprised this year. For the first time in a long time I find myself complaining less and in good spirits. I haven't lost my bitchy edge, but it's just less cunt-like lately. Cheers to that! Tomorrow is the last day of the year and I'm actually sad to see 2011 go. Most people are bitter about breakups and other shit, but 2011 was my year of exploration and healing. Please excuse me for going Dr. Phil on you real quick. I just feel like this year has brought me to the place where I needed to be. ANYWAY!...I hope you all get shitfaced and cry like assholes when the ball drops because that's what I'll be doing! Happy New Year bitches!

Oh and cheers to another year of not getting pregnant! Woot! Woot!

Three's Company

2011-11-29T14:08:00.000-05:00

Threesomes used to be somewhat taboo, but since it's 2011 and most girls swing both ways, it's become somewhat more acceptable. It's every guy's fantasy and every girlfriend's nightmare...unless it's done correctly. I've taken it upon myself to give men a few pointers on how to get what they want without making their girlfriends want to kill them in their sleep. First of all, your approach is key, meaning this isn't something you bring up over a text while she's at work or over dinner. The best place to probably ask for something like that is in the bedroom, and if that doesn't work...booze her up. Just kidding. Not really. Also, make it as pressure free as possible. You don't want her to feel like if she doesn't agree that it dooms the relationship. Think about what you're really asking, how would you feel if she asked to bring another man into the bedroom?? You'd probably feel inadequate and defensive, so understand if she hesistates a bit. Now don't get me wrong, not every woman is gonna be down for the cause, but if you approach it with caution you're more likely to get what you want. Truthfully, these kind of things work best when you're not in a relationship so that there can be no resentment, but if you keep open communication with your partner about boundaries, it can be a good experience for all parties involved. I would strongly suggest it being with someone you don't know, this way there can be no lingering suspicion of cheating. Showing up to your home with a random stripper is also something I would NOT recommend. You just never know how a bitch will react, and being stabbed probably isn't on the list of things you set out to do. Well there you have it kiddies, all my rules and regulations for a successful threesome. Now it's up to you to not fuck it up...or go SOFT.

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An Inconvenient Truth...

2011-11-08T20:32:00.001-05:00

I give the best advice, really I do! Taking advice is something I need work on, but giving it is my specialty. I guess it's because I'm a pretty level headed person (most of the time) and I can see both sides of a situation pretty easily, so when one of my friends was in need, I was happy to oblige. He mentioned that he felt he wasn't ready for a serious relationship so he was avoiding speaking to his girlfriend all day. Now the girl inside of me wanted to tell him how selfish that is, but instead I dropped some knowledge on that ass. I explained to him that a lot of men (and women) in their 20s can start to feel like they're not ready for something serious which down the road usually winds up in regret. If you have something good in front of you and you're smart enough to recognize it...you should hang on to it. Whether you're young or old. A good thing is a good thing is a good thing. Love is one of the most inconvenient things in this world. Beautiful but inconvenient. When has love ever shown up right when you were looking for it? Never. It's not designed that way. So if it shows up, don't question it. Savor it.

twitter.com/flawednfab <--- Follow Me!

2011-10-26T09:30:00.002-04:00

I adore fall weather.

2011-10-26T09:26:00.000-04:00

She half super woman, but she down to earth. It's about who has it last not who found it first. <3

The G Code

2011-10-20T14:25:00.000-04:00

As a woman, I have to keep it real when I say bitches are trife. Yup, we can be backstabbing, shit talking, rumor spreading creatures. I'm sure we'd all love to think that as you get older, you get wiser but sometimes you just can't help yourself. I've been there, many times. The only difference is that I own up to every thing I've ever done...good or bad. There are the type of bitches who will take shit to the grave and the type that will say FUCK YOU in your face. I'll let you guess which one I am. A lot of females lack the loyalty gene and just can't bring themselves to be decent human beings. Men on the other hand, are extremely loyal to their friends. While they aren't the most trustworthy when it comes to their girlfriends, they sure as hell are loyal to their boys. Even when they do get into a disagreement with one another, it never reaches the level that it does with females. They get over shit and move the fuck on. Bitches don't do that, we wanna tear each other down sometimes to the point where the friendship is beyond repair. Shame on us. Lucky for me, I keep a small cirlce these days and never really have to second guess the bitches I call friends and vice versa. It wasn't easy though, you can only learn this kind of stuff through trial and error. Now I'm a pro at weeding out the thirsty heffas.

Rollin' Dolo

2011-10-09T23:13:00.002-04:00

I had a revelation today. No, it's probably not the kind that's gonna change the world, but it just might change mine. I was watching Tough Love on VH1 (because I eat that kind of shit up) and kept seeing promos for another show they're about to start called "Why Am I Still Single?"...and then it hit me. America is obsessed with finding Mr. Right. After age 21, women get tunnel vision for finding love or "the one." Suddenly, nothing matters if you don't have a special somebody. I tried to figure out why this is and I think I've got it. When you're a teenager all you wanna do is party and get your hands on some alcohol. I'm a prime example of this, I was smoking by age 10 and drinking by 15. I did it mainly because I wasn't supposed to and as we all know, the more you tell a kid not to, the more they want to. Sure, boys were in the picture...but I never really cared too much. I was more concerned with my friends, clothes, and copping the latest Jordans. Ahh, simplicity. My point is that we were in such a rush to get older and do the things we weren't supposed to be doing. Always reaching for more. Then once you hit 21 and you're actually allowed to do all those things, you lose the desire. Not to say that you stop drinking or having a good time, but it usually slows down for most people around 24ish. Clubs get old, bars get old, same shit different night type of stuff, and if you've been going to clubs since you were 17 like me...you only hit the club for somebody's birthday these days. I like shaking my ass as much as the next bitch, but the eye molestation from men that comes with it just isn't worth it to me. Not to mention the ones who try to sneak up behind you and start grinding....NIGGA BACK THE FUCK UP!! So then what are you left with? Your job, your money, and your friends. Seems only right that you'd want somebody special to spend some time with. Only problem with that is that relationships are a fucking headache...sure it's great to be in love, but eventually someone's gonna let someone down and that's gonna feel like SHIT. Big smelly shit. I know you can't live life on the defense, always thinking that someone's gonna hurt you but I'll be damned if I can't protect myself against it. So as of today, I'm turning a new leaf and I'm gonna fill my life with happiness whether that includes a man or not. I'm gonna prove to myself and to everyone else that fulfillment doesn't always come in the form of a significant other. Wish me luck and keep the vodka chilled.

Valley of the Dolls

2011-10-04T22:47:00.001-04:00

I came across a website the other day and I almost forgot how disturbing humans can be. Correction: How disturbing MEN can be. Realdoll.com. You go ahead and check that out and I'll bet your eyes will be glued to your computer screen due to a combination of awe and disgust simultaneously. Those aren't two feelings one usually has at the same time. Love dolls, who knew?! Who knew that there are actually men out there who will shell out serious dough to bone a silicone doll?! This is just a whole new level of creepy, but at the same time I'm seriously amazed by it. You can pick everything...from their hair down to their nail color. So you can not only be a weirdo, but a picky one. I mean yes, women buy dildos and vibrators but this is some next level shit. On another note, this is geared primarily towards men so it just confirms how far a dude would go to get a nut. Nothing surprises me anymore.

2011-09-21T10:36:00.000-04:00

No one is more excited for the return of Ben Epstein and Cam Calderon than me. <3

I'm totally down for getting knocked up by either one.

Karma Armor

2011-09-20T19:24:00.000-04:00

I've been slacking lately on my posts mainly due to a lack of inspiration, but today I had some time for a little self reflection and finally came upon something worth talking about. Karma. Everyone is familiar with it and has probably experienced some form of it at one point in their life. Whether you were on the receiving end or just on the end of the person who got fucked over...it never gets old. We've all heard the story: boy does girl wrong (or vice versa), girl finally leaves boy, and boy is left with nothing but regret and a consolation prize heffa. Sometimes karma can be instant, but sometimes you have to wait years for shit to unfold. I'm a HUGE fan of instant karma, the kind that only takes a couple days or weeks. The thing is...fucked up people don't get too far in life due to their fucked up nature. It's a simple concept really, yet people still do other people dirty and think that there will be no repercussions. People still risk losing something good with the slim chance that they will get away with it. Maybe it's human nature, maybe people can't help themselves. I'll probably never know, but what I do know is what goes around definitely always comes all the way back around...and if not there's always the chance that the motherfucker could get hit by a bus.

Summer 2011 Recap

2011-09-12T23:30:00.000-04:00

Since the summer seems to be winding down, I figured I'd recap. I am happy to report that I managed to avoid both unplanned pregnancy and sunburns this summer. From the looks of my Facebook newsfeed, not everyone was so successful with the whole "not getting pregnant" thing. Can't win 'em all I guess. I did get that killer tan that I predicted and there were many cranberry vodkas in my sippy cup at 10 AM. Don't judge me. Had a couple wild nights, nothing too regrettable though. So overall I'd say pretty fucking decent. I am sad to see summer go, mainly because I'm gonna miss the shit outta this tan, but fuck it...I love fall too. Cuffing season is in full effect and people are jumping into relationships faster than you can say DESPERADO. It's cool though, I'm all for extra curricular indoor activity. As for me...it's always up in the air. Maybe a new hair color, couple more wild nights...and maybe even a new boo! I guess you'll just have to stay tuned...

Thirst Curse

2011-08-30T21:33:00.000-04:00

There is a drought in New York, or at least there must be because I've been surrounded by thirsty ass bitches lately. TAB is a condition where a female doesn't have enough self worth which causes her to act in a retarded manner. Allow me to elaborate...if she chases dick, she's thirsty. By chasing dick I mean she will drop any and everything to go get some. Last time I checked niggas are always down to bone, so there really is no need for the urgency. I don't know where these ladies have been but it's pretty much common knowledge that pussy is power. He will wait, trust me. Moving right along....if you love getting attention from a man no matter how ugly or washed up he is...you have a problem. You probably need some sort of therapy to find out what the real problem is, but we're gonna skip all that and I'm just gonna let you know that it's not a good look. Quality not quantity. I don't know about you but I don't want no attention from a bum ass nigga. I could go on and on but I'll leave it at this...respect yourself and others (men) will respect you for it. I'm speaking from experience. If you make yourself readily available at a man's disposal....he will throw you away. Dick can be in your life, just don't let it be your whole life.

HYPO-Critical Condition

2011-08-26T20:43:00.001-04:00

I read a post on Facebook recently that I found both funny and hypocritical at the same time.

"Fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake eyelashes and they wonder why they cant find a real man."

Hmm...I guess there is some truth to it, but does someone's appearance determine the type of man they attract? Probably. Should it? Probably not. Now I could understand a man's point of view on it...superficial bitches get shitted on by men because they have no substance....or so you think. I'm someone who puts a high value on looks, not because they're the only thing that matters but because I like things that are visually appealing. It's just that simple. Men however have it a little backwards. You see, you'll shit on a bitch for having extensions and rocking fake eyelashes, meanwhile the same bitches you lust after on TV have all that done and more. Case and point...Kim Kardashian. If you were to ask 10 guys their celebrity crush, about 8.5 of them would say her. That puts a lot of pressure on women today in regards to their looks. She is always glammed up, full face of makeup, hair extentions, false lashes, and whatever else on her that isn't God given. I don't knock bitches for it, do what makes you feel better about yourself. As long as you're not going to extremes like plastic surgery then I don't see any harm...unless it starts to get to their head. You know how they have an in case of emergency handle to pull, well just in case that bitch starts to forget who she is, just pull on the weave or eyelashes...whichever is closer. Men should appreciate women who put in effort to look good, whether it be all natural or not. So shut up and enjoy the view!

P.S. Unless we're talking about colored contacts, those are never okay.

Chicks with Dicks

2011-08-18T21:08:00.000-04:00

Before I start on my latest rant I have to give a shout out to Nessa Boo for inspiring the title! Okay, now on to the matter at hand...the definition of a chick with a dick is a person who by nature is technically a man, but proceeds to act in such a bitchy manner that it would lead you to believe he is in fact a chick with a dick. If your bitchiness is exceeding mine...we have a problem. I don't know whether to hand you a tampon or smack the shit outta you. I don't know about the rest of you, but I prefer a man's man, meaning I would prefer someone who maybe isn't up on the latest trends and gossip, but rather a rugged man who's gonna drag you into bed, have his way with you and wants a sandwich after. I don't want a whiner or a metrosexual, you can keep all that shit. I'm also disturbed by men who often get into arguments with women. A real man isn't gonna go back and forth with you, but apparently these chicks with dicks can have marathon arguments and not even come up for air. Maybe they were raised around too many women or maybe they're just sexually confused, either way...I'm gonna need you to cut that shit out or take the plunge and just have it removed.

Put It In My Ear

2011-08-11T16:31:00.003-04:00

Feedback is important, whether it's at the workplace, home, or even a blog...you want to know how good (or bad) a job you're doing. If you don't know where I'm going with this by now...you have't been reading my blog nearly as much as you should. The most important place for me to get feedback (besides work) is in the bedroom. That's right...dirty talk. Most people claim to be too shy or self conscious about what they say but I don't get it...you're already naked and you're already doing the deed....so just say what you feel. Where you want it, how you want it, etc. It can really intensify a situation...for the both of you. I can't stand it when a dude doesn't really talk that much. Don't get me wrong...I'm not trying to have a conversation during sex either, but some words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. If you have to be drunk to do it...then start drinking. I don't know about you, but for me it's a must. How would men like it if we just stopped moaning? The thought has crossed my mind more than once. You definitely have to have some level of smooth going on for yourself though, some guys think they're turning you on but they're really just making you dry the fuck up. It's a fine line, but if done correctly...amazing results.

The Reel Deal

2011-08-05T22:09:00.000-04:00

The highlight reel. In case you aren't familiar with it, allow me to explain...a highlight reel is a series of thoughts/images that cross a man's mind while he's boning you. Usually these thoughts are used to keep him hard and motivated so that we don't have a Mister Softee situation. For whatever reason, men need that little bit of extra motivation in the sack, although in my opinion...boning me should be enough motivation for the fucker. In any event, it's something that happens whether you like it or not. So a girl has to wonder...what images/thoughts make the cut?? You'd be a fool to think that there's no possibility that he's thinking about someone else. Facts are facts boo and this is what it is. I'm sure we'd all love to think that our partners only have us on their minds but if a man is trying to get a nut...he's gonna do and think whatever it takes. If you're lucky (and good in the sack) you probably make up a good majority of that highlight reel with the occasional hoodrat making a cameo. So the next time you think about refusing that BJ, just remember that the only way to stay in his head is to give him some.

Mister Softee

2011-08-04T09:19:00.000-04:00

"Come here rude boy boy, can you get it up?" Well Rihanna, sadly no he can't. There is an epidemic sweeping the nation (or at least the tri-state area) and it's what I like to call Mister Softee Syndrome. Young men in their 20s are having trouble getting and STAYING hard. I know what you're thinking..."What the hell is she doing wrong?" Well my friends, it's not just me who has been experiencing this problem. I know a couple girls who have also been affected by this disaster which leads me to believe that problem is not with us, it's with them. I don't know whether to blame too much weed, alcohol, or jerking off, but clearly something is fucking with nature and the way it's supposed to work. Luckily, I haven't come across this more than twice in my life so far...but two times is two times too many for me. I strongly suggest you get it together gentlemen, considering the large amount of douchebags I've encountered in the last year....I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that your penis is pretty much the only thing you have to offer a woman. Here I am willing to get my hair fucked up for the most mediocre 15 minutes of my life (15 best of yours) and your soldier can't even rise to the occasion. Nigga please.

Lovers & Friends

2011-08-01T20:20:00.001-04:00

How well do we really know the people we're with? Whether it be someone you're just casual with or someone you're in a relationship with, when shit goes down...you always find out something you never knew. It usually leads to cops being called and maybe the occasional arrest, but after the smoke has cleared you kind of always wonder why they just couldn't keep it real with you. For instance, I learned more about my ex after breaking up with him than I ever could have found out while we were together. Kind of ironic and fucked up all at the same time. Same could be said for marriages, you're with someone for 10+ years, shit gets rocky, you divorce and you find out you were married to the world's biggest prick all those years. People show you sides of them that you never knew existed. Does that mean they were being phoney the whole time or does it just mean that different people bring out different sides? I think it's a little bit of both. When you first start off getting to know someone, you naturally try to put your best foot forward and show them the side you want them to see. The person you WANT to be, not who you actually are. It's my personal belief that some people carry a little bit of that with them even after years of being together. Let's face it...there's only a handful of people on this earth that are 100% honest, even sometimes with themselves. If people can't keep it real with themselves then they sure as fuck can't do it with you. My point is this...I've learned more about men being nothing to them than being something to them. With that said, I'd rather be the homie over the girlfriend any day of the week.

Get It Right, Get It Tight

2011-07-30T22:19:00.001-04:00

You wouldn't put unnecessary mileage on a luxury vehicle so why would you put it on your cooch?! Yep, that's right we're talking about coochie mileage, the good and the bad. Well actually most of it is just bad, but you get the idea. As a young woman, I think it's quite important to be very picky with whom you are intimate with, after all....you've only got one fun hole (2 technically) and it's best not to abuse it. Respect it and love it and be sure to keep slime buckets away from it. You gotta keep shit in tip top shape, tight and virgin like. Shit can get stretched out and then you'll find yourself in the doctors office forking over a couple Gs to get shit back to the way it used to be. Not cute. Just in case your momma never gave you this part of the birds and the bees talk, I'm here to cover all bases. I don't believe in kegel exercises, plus I don't have the focus and time to do them. Just keep the cockage down to a minimum and you'll be iight.

The Love Below

2011-07-26T22:30:00.001-04:00

After having a conversation with a man I know that hasn't given a woman head since about 2008, I just knew this would be something I had to talk about. That shit right there is just ridiculous, insane even. How he managed to get away with that shit for 3+ years is beyond me. Are bitches not speaking up? Are we just settling for what is given? All I know is that I'm definitely not one of those bitches. Unless the area is not up to code, there is no fucking good reason why you shouldn't be shoving your head in between a bitches legs. I mean after all, it would be unheard of if a girl told you SHE didn't give head, right?! Along with that...3 years?!...are you even sure you still know how to do it?? Which brings me to my next topic...those men who do it but just aren't any good at it. In 2011, there must be some class somewhere that can put you on. A youtube video, a friend to tell you...something! You are just as bad as the guys who don't do it...because well most of the time it has the opposite effect it was intended to have. Bottom line...real guys give GOOD head.

2011-07-23T18:57:00.000-04:00

We only said goodbye with words.

2011-07-23T15:22:00.001-04:00

Amy Jade Winehouse

09/14/1983 - 07/23/2011

My heart is broken. The world has lost an amazing singer and songwriter.

Flawed & Fabulous in every way. <3

Living Single

2011-07-21T15:29:00.001-04:00

Unless you're pushing 40 and unattractive, being single is fabulous. I have my cranky moments when I want to give up and I bash men every now and then, but overall it really is underrated. I mean everything has it's pros and cons but in this particular case, I think the pros outweigh the cons. Let's start with the obvious: variety. You're not tied down to any one person so you get to date all sorts of different people. Different sorts of HOT people. Along with not being committed comes complete freedom. No check in phone calls, no explaining yourself, and no worrying if your partner is doing something they're not supposed to be..like cheating on your ass! That last one alone is enough to keep me single for at least another 5 years. There are less arguments and just less stress overall. Sounds like a fucking vacation to me! I can understand why certain people like being in relationships, security and all that shit. Well guess what? Security can kiss my ass...or at least wait a couple more years. I'm in no rush for what comes with a relationship. Relationships are about compromise and at 23, I don want to compromise any part of myself. Sounds selfish, but I believe that's what your 20s are for. If you take the plunge before you're really ready, you could lose your identity, and I just love myself way too much for that shit to go down.

Deal or No Deal

2011-07-17T09:39:00.001-04:00

Deal breakers, we all have them...some more than others. I wouldn't consider myself someone that is hard to please, but I definitely could think of more than a couple things that would kill someone's chances. Sometimes I think that my expectations and wants may be too much, but then I remember that settling is not an option. Not at this age anyway. So now without further ado, my very real and uncensored list of top 10 deal breakers:

1. A small pee-pee
2. If you do not or cannot give good head. Shame on you!
3. If you ain't got a job. Beware of a man that is comfortable being broke!
4. Inconsistency...I'm gonna have to do a post just on that subject alone, but basically what I mean by that is when a dude will blow up your phone one day and then the next...not even answer a text. WTF is that about?! Inconsistent motherfuckers.
5. If he clearly has some sort of mental problem. Been there, done that.
6. If he clearly has some sort of drinking or drug problem. Been there, done that...yikes.
7. If he's dumb as fuck.
8. If he's a narcissistic douchebag.
9. If he's married...yeah that's not gonna work for me.
10. Where there is a child, there is a baby mama. I'm gonna pass on both.

Booty Rest

2011-07-13T20:33:00.003-04:00

You can tell a lot about a man based on whether or not he lets you sleep over. I don't care if it's a boyfriend or a one night stand, a bitch needs her sleep regardless. Waking me up in the middle of the night to take me home is not the key to getting a call back! I'll go quietly, but once I wake up in the morning and re-evaulate the events of the night before...you will get shitted on. I mean what kind of message are you trying to send by that?! "It was a great bone but now you gotta go." If it's gonna be like that...you can leave a couple hundred on the nightstand while you're at it! Don't play yourself. I'm not asking for a whole lot here, shit...we can even skip the cuddling, but let me fucking sleep! Unless of course I want to go home then that's a different story, but if a bitch is already knocked out...leave me the fuck alone. I'm not asking for matrimony...I might not even be feeling you like that but if my ass is tired...I'm staying...and yes, I want breakfast.

Double Schmandards

2011-07-07T11:23:00.000-04:00

Numbers can tell you a lot about a person, whether it be someone's age, birthday, balance in their bank account, or how many sexual partners they've had. Men always wanna know and women are usually better off not telling. Even though people (men) claim to want honesty, the truth of it is...they'll judge and wish they never asked and you'll wish you never told. Which brings me to my next topic...why the fuck does it even matter?! Double standards are bullshit and that whole way of thinking is extremely dated in my opinion. Now I'm not encouraging women to go crazy and start bed hopping like maniacs, but let's be real. Men are whores, in fact I don't even know why no one has come up with a degrading term for men the way they have for women. We have slut, smut, whore, tramp, skank, and the list goes on. Now sit there and think long and hard and try to come up with one single degrading name for men......the only thing I came up with is dirty dick motherfucker. That's way too long and not quite as catchy as it needs to be. Anyway, my point is that men need to get over themselves and just accept shit the way it is because this is in fact how they made it. After years of treating women as disposable dick warmers, its about time bitches starting doing the same in return.

Cutest Vibrators Ever!!

2011-07-06T23:05:00.002-04:00

2011-07-05T23:50:00.000-04:00

We'd be so free, happy alone.

Racks on Racks on Racks

2011-07-05T22:26:00.000-04:00

Boobs, they're great aren't they? Being that I've been an A cup pretty much my whole life, I can appreciate a nice rack on a chick. They say those that can't do teach...well those who don't have...appreciate. Luckily, God was only playing half a joke on me because I was blessed with a lovely backside.(Yes, I just paid myself a compliment) Actually, the older I get, the less it matters to me. I used to want bigger ones, but I'm starting to embrace my small chest. I never have trouble finding a bathing suit top and I can go bra-less anytime. Big chested girls don't have that freedom. So they're more of a burden than they are a blessing. In today's world booty overrides boobies anyway. I will admit though that I have thought about implants a time or two, but then I see those botched surgeries on TV and that usually wakes me the fuck up. Maybe I'll take the plunge one day, maybe I won't. Either way, big or small...I love my tits. <3

Happy Muhfuckin' 4th!

2011-07-04T09:25:00.003-04:00

Although this weekend's weather has been shitty...I still give 2 cheers to anything that gets me out of work! Happy Birthday America!

Insecurity Blanket

2011-07-02T17:52:00.000-04:00

It happens to me all the time. I'll be out somewhere minding my own business and a couple will pass me...and as soon as the girl takes a glance at me, she's practically humping her man's leg. Now I don't mean that literally, but she either wants to hold his hand all of a sudden or even worse...puts on a public display of affection. Ugh! (I am not a fan of PDA). It's like "Bitch, relax...I know that's your man." A few times I just chalked it up to coincidence, but since I started to notice a pattern, it became clear this was insecurity in it's purest form. I've never been one of those girls, and I never plan to be one of those girls. 9 times out of 10, your dude is smashing some chick you don't even know exists so why are you trippin' off of a chick that's passing you in the street?! Shit makes no sense to me and turns my stomach. Why are bitches so needy?! Even worse sometimes is that I've seen the opposite happen...the dude all of a sudden becomes strangely affectionate right at that moment. I don't know what the fuck that's about and honestly, I don't really care. People in relationships make me sick. You all need to get your shit together and realize that single people aren't checking for you.

Great Expectations

2011-06-28T12:38:00.001-04:00

Dating is awkward, but every now and then you find someone who manages to not come off like a douche, jerk, or weirdo. The world seems brighter and you find yourself smiling like a giddy retard. Then comes the moment of truth, and you're left lying there wondering "What the fuck just happened?!". We've all been there...great conversation, great chemistry, awful sex. Like make you wanna cry it was so bad. How can someone possess all these great qualities and suck in bed?! It should be illegal. There's always the chance that it was a fluke due to alcohol or nerves but most of the time, it's just even worse the second time. Now you can say to yourself that sex isn't everything and you really shouldn't write this guy off just for that, but the truth of it is...you're gonna get bored and might even hold some resentment so your best bet is to just cut him loose. Let some other bitch break the news to him that he's the worst she's ever had. I don't even know how men make it into their 20s without knowing that they aren't doing it right. Maybe I'll start some sort of website where girls can write to me and I'll call guys and basically let them know that their penis is for decoration only.

Hair Scare!

2011-06-28T09:13:00.000-04:00

I love my hair. Anyone who knows me could tell you that right off the bat. It's like my child. In fact, if I did have a child it would probably be jealous of the attention my hair gets. Sounds a bit obsessive, but everyone else seems to love it also. I get countless compliments so I guess all that work isn't in vain. The reason I'm talking hair is because I've started to notice a disturbing trend with the ladies this summer. Chopping it off! I don't know if its the heat that makes them do it or if they just want a "new" look, but bitches left and right are chopping off their hair. In my opinion, if you got it...let it grow, and if you don't...go buy some! The longer, the better and I know a lot of guys that would agree. For me...hair equals femininity, which is why dudes with long hair are a big no-no for me. To be clear, I'm not knocking short hair, it looks good on certain people, but sometimes bitches be going crazy and then regret it later on. Everyone has a different relationship with their hair so I can only speak for myself. I know it can suck in the summer when you're fighting humidity and are constantly trying to avoid getting it wet, but there are certain things that are just worth it. Sexy hair is worth it. Put down the scissors and pick up the deep conditioner.

2011 BET Awards

2011-06-27T08:31:00.001-04:00

If you weren't watching the BET awards last night, then you probably know that BET is gonna rerun it about 80 times before next year. Anyway, the show opened with Mary J. Blige who killed her performance. She started off with a couple classics and closed with a new joint with Jadakiss who later joined her onstage. For a woman in her 40s, she is still one of the best when it comes to performing. Chris Brown won the award for Best Male R&B and looked like a complete douche when he got onstage. He looked like he was out back doing yard work, the outfit was horrendous. I don't know if it's because Chris has been on my bad side lately due to the Frank Ocean beef, but just the sight of him annoys me. Rick Ross performed and apparently I figured out where all of Biggie's old Versace shirts went. He let out his titties as usual, and as for the ladies who love that shit...you have some major head issues. Nicki Minaj won for Best Female Hip Hop Artist, which wasn't really much of surprise seeing as how there is a major lack of female emcees that are relevant. The other nominees were bitches I have never heard of...WTF is a Cymphonique?! Thumbs down to BET on that one. Diddy Dirty Money won for best group, but then again, any 41 year old man that is in a semi-successful group with bitches half his age deserves an award. Chris Brown performed next and although I can't stand the fucker...he still gave a good performance. An asshole, but a talented one. He also went on to win best collaboration for Look At Me Now. Maybe now I don't have to hear it 75 times a day on the radio. My favorite performace of the night came next, Alicia Keys. She looked amazing as she performed her new song Typewriter along with classics such as Fallin' and A Woman's Worth with Bruno Mars. The winner for Best Male Hip Hop was Kanye West...as it should be! Unfortunately, he wasn't there to accept his award but I'm proud of my boo. Big Sean performed My Last with Breezy, and Wiz won for Best New Artist. Trey Songz performed and damn near got me pregnant in the process and was later joined by Kelly Rowland for Motivation. Kelly will never be Beyonce, but she did her best. There was a tribute to Patti Labelle and Beyonce performed Best Thing I Never Had and End of Time (which I love) via satellite from Glastonbury. If something happened after that, I have no idea because my ass was tired as fuck and went to bed. They really need to start cutting these award shows down to 2 hours.

2011-06-22T21:24:00.001-04:00

I see you're still trading dimes for nickels. Silly Rabbit.

No Nuts, Just Salt

2011-06-21T12:18:00.000-04:00

Today I'm gonna talk about salty ass dudes. Why? Because I'm tired of fucking encountering them! If you don't know what a salty dude is, let me break it down for you. A salty dude is one who is mad because you either don't give him the time of day or one who hates on you because you're prettier than him. Niggas should start wearing lipgloss and panties because I really need to be able to spot these dudes from a distance. To the naked eye, they look like just an average male, but to a trained eye...you can spot the bitch ass-ness from the jump. At 23 I have more arguments and fights with men than I do women. Clearly, this is a problem. An epidemic, even. I'd start a fundraiser, but there is no fucking cure. So what's a bitch to do?! I'm gonna need men to start acting like men not jealous little girls. If you wanna be mad at a bitch, be mad at your momma for not teaching you that acting like a girl is not gonna get you girls!

The Ex-Factor

2011-06-16T13:12:00.001-04:00

Exes. Everyone has at least one...or ten. Luckily, I fall in to the first category and trust me, one crazy ex can make up for the lack of exes in your life. So once you come to the conclusion that your relationship is done, what are the rules and agreements? Do you remain friends? Do you cut all ties? I guess it depends on what sort of note it ended on. Some breakups are bittersweet and some are just bitter. I've always wanted one of those great breakups where you just outgrow one another but always remain really great friends. Yeah, shit like that doesn't exist and if it does, it sure as hell ain't happening over here. With that said, after time goes by and you can find yourself NOT wishing death upon your ex, do you give them the opportunity to be your homie? I mean it sounds harmless but for someone like me, it just sounds like a disaster. You run the risk of someone getting jealous or getting hurt. That's a mess that I want no part of. Sometimes you just gotta leave it all behind even if it hurts.

To Conceal or Reveal?

2011-06-13T22:04:00.001-04:00

It's been a while since I was in a relationship, but I got to thinking about relationships and when you're in them...how much of yourself do you reveal to your partner? I'm usually a pretty open person with whoever I'm dealing with but I'm starting to think it may be best to leave something to the imagination. Let's face it, men like a little mystery and sometimes as women we can reveal too much and kill their image of us. Sounds shallow I know, but it doesn't make it any less true. The number one reason why men cheat (aside from being complete assholes) is that they are looking to feel that initial feeling they got when you first met. You know when they didn't know what week you were gonna get your period and how you look in rollers. A man could fart in front of you or even pee on your leg in their sleep (true story) but it never really changes how we look at them, but if you even so much as burp or throw on a shower cap, all hell breaks loose. I'm not saying it's right, but facts are facts. So the next time you think about leaving that bathroom door open, don't.

Fuck.

2011-06-11T23:14:00.002-04:00

09/01/2008 - 01/01/2011

HBD Mr. West

2011-06-08T07:03:00.000-04:00

Today is my boo's 34th birthday.

Who else could make a mullet look so dope?!

Going Dutch & Such...

2011-06-07T00:30:00.000-04:00

When it comes to dating, everything is fine until the check comes. More so now than ever, men are being affected by the cheap dude epidemic. Yeah, I said it. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about girls going on "dates" and they wind up paying their own way. Chivalry is dead, and that motherfucker needs some resuscitation ASAP. When you're dating, aren't you trying to impress the woman? Now how the fuck are you going to impress me by making me pay for my own meal?! Shit, I could have called some friends and had a night out. Now I'm not saying that all men are guilty of this, but a whole lot of them are. I should also say that this doesn't apply to those who are in relationships, that's completely different territory. I'm talking just dating, like first 3 dates kind of shit...you know when dude is still trying to get up in them panties. If you're inviting a woman out to dinner with you, it's pretty much understood that you will be taking care of all expenses....after all, you invited me dummy. These days, too many guys are afraid of being taken advantage of by gold digging hoes, that they just put all women in one category...the "bitch you paying for your own shit" category. A real man knows the difference between being a gentleman and being taken advantage of. The bottom line is this...it's 2011 and there are no more knights in shining armor so the least you could do is pay for my steak nigga!

It's Raining Men!

2011-06-05T22:30:00.001-04:00

While in real life, I have no luck with finding a man to stimulate me mentally and physically, that doesn't mean a girl can't dream. So to chase away those Monday blues, without further ado...

Yum!

Liar Liar, Pants On Fire

2011-06-04T10:50:00.000-04:00

I hate liars. It's a statement we all say, but the truth of it is...everyone lies. Whether it's a bold faced lie, or just a little white one...it's still a lie. I'm a firm believer in keeping it real, even when it makes people straight up uncomfortable. How will they ever know the truth if no one ever tells them?! Surprisingly, a lot of people appreciate my honesty...and not so surprisingly, a lot of people don't. They misinterpret it as me being rude or being a bully, but I'm just telling it like it is. The problem with lying is this...a lot of people start to believe their own bullshit. The first step in being an honest person is keeping it real with yourself. If you can do that, you're golden in my book. Talking shit behind someone's back and smiling in their face technically can also be considered lying, but that's another post for another day.

TGIF Bitches!

2011-06-03T08:36:00.000-04:00

Yay! Its Friday, go out and do something irresponsible. Make me proud!

Single & Not Looking

2011-06-02T10:19:00.001-04:00

I've heard it at least a hundred times, "You're so pretty, why are you single?". For me, it's an annoying question, but still a question so I figured I'd try and find out exactly what the answer is. I read something today and it sparked this whole evaluation of what it is I'm doing.

"I'm not looking for the right person, I am trying to be the right person."

When you go through a break-up of any kind, you need time alone before you can really jump into another relationship. Sounds simple enough, yet a lot of people "heal" by moving on to someone else and by moving on I don't mean something casual, I mean a full on relationship. Some people need 2 months before they can move on, and some people need 2 years. It really all depends on your situation. We've all heard of the term rebound, and probably have rebounded a time or two. The thing about rebounds is, they rarely last. You only wind up more confused after that rebound than you were from the start. Personally, I'd rather wait it out and heal the right way instead of fucking a guy's head up because the last thing we need is another fucked up man in New York City.

Happy Birthday Marilyn!

2011-06-01T11:53:00.000-04:00

Today marks what would have been Marilyn Monroe's 85th birthday. The iconic beauty is the epitome of a flawed yet fabulous woman.

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

Smokin' Hot

2011-06-01T09:09:00.001-04:00

I have been smoking since I was about 10. Shocking, I know. I've always hung out with older girls my whole life so it was inevitable that I would fall prey to classic peer pressure.The fact that almost everyone in my family was a smoker didn't help either. It wasn't anything serious though, just the occasional cigarette when I could get my hands on one. I didn't start becoming an actual smoker until about 17, right after high school and even then it would take me a week to finish a pack. Now at 23, I'm trying to kick the habit but I also resent that I have to.Since I don't consider myself an addict, it should be a lot easier for me than most. I've watched some of my friends who are hardcore smokers quit, so I feel like I definitely should be able to. Problem is, I miss it. So this is my love letter to smoking, I will miss you and perhaps on a drunken night we shall reunite but for now I'm staying strong.

Dear Summer...

2011-05-31T16:16:00.000-04:00

Ahh...the start of summer. Summers in New York are truly like no other, less clothes equal more drama. I've seen more relationships crash and burn due to summer more times than I'd like to remember. Something about the hot weather and those warm summer nights ignites something in men that turns them into the horniest creatures roaming the earth. Girls are guilty too, being locked up all winter long definitely contributes to the clothing they wear (or forget to wear) when leaving the house. Well I'm not sure what this summer holds for me, probably a killer tan and lots of alcohol, but I have no doubt that there will be an abundance of unplanned pregnancies for many people. As for the rest of you, don't forget the coppertone and the condoms!

Basketball Wives...The Drama Continues

2011-05-31T12:06:00.000-04:00

So yesterday marked the return of Basketball Wives on Vh1 which is in it's third season. I love the show and enjoy the drama, but that doesn't mean I love all the heffas on it. On the premier season three episode, Tami learned that Evelyn had plans to make and sell sell shirts with the whole "non motherfucking factor" quote on them. Personally, after some bitch says some shit like that to you after claiming to be sorry about sleeping with your ex, it's probably safe to say that she ain't sorry at all. Evelyn is clearly trying to capitalize off of sleeping with athletes and other people's men. Guess the shoe business isn't as lucrative as I thought. On another note, there was the introduction of Meeka...who as of right now, I don't really like. She seems eager to be accepted and a big shit talker. Deadly combination. The only thing I can respect about her is that she actually is a basketball WIFE which is a lot more than anyone else on there can say. As for the other bitches, it was pretty much a yawnfest aside from the shit talking that was exchanged between Evelyn and Tami. I can't wait to see how the rest of the season plays out.

P.S. Can someone get Royce a stylist ASAP?!

2011-05-31T07:42:00.001-04:00

Obsessed 3 months and counting....

2011-05-30T14:57:00.000-04:00

I want my babies to look like this.

Frenemies

2011-05-29T16:41:00.000-04:00

Let me start by saying this...I would much rather be a friend to someone than an enemy. Being an enemy takes a lot out of you and it definitely requires a lot of energy. With that said, once you make yourself an enemy of mine...you're basically giving me the go-ahead for me to go in on you. I'll use anything and everything I know about you against you. Sounds ugly, right? Well guess what boo, this world is cold and if the shoe was on the other foot, you know damn well they would do it to you. Like I said....a lot of energy. Which is why I usually try to steer clear of any conflict, but sometimes people just wanna bring it out of you. I'm sure we all know someone who just thrives off of drama. They're usually pretty attention hungry and will do anything for some shine. I've encountered such people and definitely considered wrapping up my hair and getting in their face but then I remember that going to court isn't something I want to do on my day off.

Then you have your "friends" who spend their spare time talking shit about you. Frenemies. It's that kind of situation where you know the person isn't genuine and probably hates on you but you have no evidence except for that stank hoe scent they give off. Your best bet in a situation like that is to ignore it but to act accordingly, meaning you keep the hoe at a distance. Unless she gets crazy with it, just continue to ignore it. Let her live, shit...it's probably the highlight of her day.

What Kind Of Fuckery Is This?!

2011-05-29T15:53:00.000-04:00

Boys. Men. Guys. Dudes. Can't live with them, can't live without them, right? Well I'm starting to think I just might be better off living without them. You see I'm 23, employed, and pretty damn good looking and it seems impossible to find a suitable counterpart. I'll admit, I can be a bit picky but nothing extreme or impossible. So why is it that everytime I think I might be interested in someone, they do some shit that makes me want to hire a hitman?! Men are weird, plain and simple. Some have issues with intimacy and some are just dickheads. I'm by no means a man basher but I call it like I see it. You have the unemployed, the uneducated, the unambitious, the unable to commit, and the unable to tell you that they already have a girl! Are these really my choices?! Not to say that there aren't any more good ones left but damn, where are they hiding?!